


FINISH HIM!

by PanPacificPines



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Double Dippin, Double Dipping, M/M, Multi, Multiship, college age, pinecest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-29
Updated: 2015-09-29
Packaged: 2018-04-24 01:04:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4899592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PanPacificPines/pseuds/PanPacificPines
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is serving as a backup from my tumblr account at panpacificpines/tumblr and belongs to the Double Dippin' fandom within Gravity Falls. The concept being that instead of being born as twins, Dipper and Mabel had a third sibling who is identical to Dipper and named Tyrone. During their college years Dipper and Tyrone have a secret relationship with each other and both of them worry about their sister and her jerky boyfriend, who always seems to have her upset. But could there be more to their concern than just looking out for a sibling?<br/>The layout of their apartment can be found here for visual reference: http://panpacificpines.tumblr.com/image/126319331423</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mabel's boyfriend Jeremy is a pain in the collective ass of both Dipper and Tyrone. They've been living together in a secret relationship for a while now, but they've been missing their sib, who is unfortunately in a relationship with a jerk. The last straw is an early morning phone call from Mabel, complaining about him yet again. The boys decide something must be done, but is their more to their mission than simply rescuing Mabel from a bad relationship?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're not familiar with the Double Dippin' AU originally created by doublepines on tumblr, the idea is that Dipper and Mabel had a third sibling who's identical to Dipper named Tyrone. This is a take on the Double Dippin' universe during their college years.

“You know who I hate?” Ty groaned, reclining on top of his sheets, one leg crossed over the other leg’s knee, with a hand behind his head.  
“Rrep be guethf.” Dipper called from the adjoining bathroom as he brushed his teeth first thing that morning. “Gerremeh”  
“The very one.” Ty stared up into his phone’s text screen, bobbing his free leg’s foot as he tended to do when he was annoyed, thumbing a response to the latest text with a look of aggravation on his face. “I’m gonna kill ‘im.” He growled, his voice pitching upwards. “Gonna kill him, Dip!”

The faucet came on, followed by a gargling and spitting sound. “What’d he do now?”  
“He’s just a douche.”  
“Well, obviously, but anything specific this time?”  
“Being douchey!” Tyrone half shouted in exasperation, shaking all four limbs in the air in impotent frustration as his brother sat beside him on the Queen bed they shared.  
“They won’t find the body.” Dipper said, with just a bit of sarcasm in his voice.  
“I’m being serious, Dip!"  
"You think I’m not?”  
“Not really, no. Not entirely anyway. But seriously though, how long do you think he’d last at 2 inches tall in the middle of the Oregon forest?”  
“Heh. That bad, huh?”  
“She knows to text me in the mornings about his crap. You have the luxury of sleeping like a comatose rock. A rock who is also deaf….and snores….and drools.”

“Hey! low blow, bro.” He flipped a pillow over Ty’s face, who ignored the new obstruction and continued listing off some of Dipper’s more stellar qualities, though muffled through several inches of memory foam. “Hey, I get it. We both want him gone, but what can we really do? Mabel is determined to get it to work with the prick. She thinks she has to make it work.”  
“Well, fuck that guy!” Ty whined, tossing the pillow back towards his brother. “Dip, he just wants arm candy and our sister is way better than that! She’s -”

“I know, Ty.” Dipper soothed, placing a hand on his partner’s chest. “She’s beautiful and sexy and perfect, but she’s also smart, creative and the best sister two weirdos like us could ever hope for, and she’s too good for him and his seventy-five lacrosse stories that all sound the-fucking-same. This is well trodden territory for us here and I’m totally with you, but aside from being her sounding wall, what’re we gonna do?”  
“Hey, I’m not a weirdo. You’re the weirdo, you brother fucker.” Ty smirked, letting some humor enter his tone.  
“Guilty, it’s true. 'Course I was under the impression that you liked it.” he leaned over to nip at the rim of his lover’s ear, tugging it ever so slightly. “Buuut, of course if I was wrong, there is another bedroom in this apartment I could move into…”  
“Mmmm-Hey! Unfair. You cannot play the sexy card on me while I’m trying to be mad. That’s like boyfriend rule number seven. Maybe three, I mean it’s up there. Also you are SO not allowed to be as good at the sexy thing anyway. You’re supposed to be the awkward one.” Knowing he had the upper hand for once, dipper straddles Ty’s torso, taking hold of his wrists and pinning them down to either side of his head as he bends down to plant a line of kisses, punctuated by nibbles along his other half’s neck and clavicle.  
“The two best years of my life have made me more confident and powerful than you could ever imagine” he growls.  
“Pffft. Okay. There’s the nerd I know and love. Oh, don’t look so disappointed. I know for a fact you feel what you just did to me.” to punctuate his point he tensed his erection against Dipper’s rear. “But I really am trying to be serious. Okay? You can do whatever you want to me if we can solve the Jeremy equation, okay?” An overly sweet smile, half drunk with love hormones crept across Ty’s face as he gyrated his hips up into Dipper. “That sound like a good deal to you, oh brother of mine?”  
“Mmmm, you drive a hard bargain, you devious bastard.” Ty cracked a snorty chuckle with that remark, though he wasn’t even sure Dipper was aware he’d made the pun.  
“Well, if that’s what you want, lover.” He purred the last word. “We put our energies towards the greater good and everyone wins.” Dipper lowered his head, his hair draping over his eyes and he was clearly thinking, his breath had picked up over the course of their interaction. “BUT!” Ty slips free of his weakened brother’s grasp and takes him by the shoulders, shoving him over onto his side before mounting him, driving his point further as he grinds himself in for a few pointed seconds. “Until then” He hops back on his knees suddenly, removing the source of his lover’s stimulation. “You don’t get none of the Tyroney-Baloney or any of this either.” Turning to the side to slap his rather shapely rear with a solid slapping sound.

  
The croaking groan that escapes dipper’s throat next are enough to let Ty know he has won a perfect victory.  
"If I had known that butt voodoo workout class would give you this much power over me I’d have never let it happen!“  
"Oh, you keep telling yourself that, lover, dear, but you wouldn’t know what to do without all this.” He seductively nibbles on the tip of his own index finger, letting his eyes become half lidded.

  
“How is it that I’m the bottom of the totem pole here?” Dipper whined. “Okay, jerk. You go make breakfast and I’ll think up a plan. Deal?”  
“Think You’ll have time to do any thinking after you whack it?” Ty chuckles, teasing with a stroking motion.  
“Well I’m sure as hell not gonna get any thinking done like this!” He shouts in frustration, using both hands to illustrate his full mast popping through the opening in his boxers.“

  
"Oh, my. Well I suppose not. Best of luck” Ty wiggles out of bed and purposefully sways his hips, knowing his nude form will remain stuck in Dipper’s gaze as he takes his leave to the kitchenette. Dipper knows all too well that Tyrone is going to drape one of his frilly, half ironic aprons around his neck and tie a bow around his waist so that he wouldn’t be safe from his brother’s sexual energies even through the smell of bacon and eggs.  
He reaches over into the drawer on their bedside table and out comes a half full bottle of lube. As wound up as he already is, this won’t take long. He squirts a glob onto the end of his member, snapping the cap back on and tosses it back into the drawer, sliding it shut while using his other hand to work the slick, clear gel into his skin. It mingles with the precum that’d already leaked out of the tip. He slicks himself up from base to tip, the gel soaking into the boxer’s he’d neglected to remove and he gets to work, rapidly pumping away at himself. This was mechanical more than anything, he was practically half way there thanks to his brother’s ministrations. Memories of last night flood his mind, bringing him closer and closer to his rapid release.

  
Dipper’s memories shift to that of his sister as the last few seconds crawl frustratingly by. The bathing suits she’d come to favor in their last few years of high school, the way the fabric of her skirts always seemed to pull over he now shapely rump… The way her sweaters had become tighter across her chest and how she’d never seemed to care about wearing a bra while her brothers visited her… His eyes tighten as he’s built up, tensing himself to keep the memories of his siblings just at the forward edge of his mind until he finally spurts all over himself. Dipper lifts his right hand from his form, far more covered in his morning mess than it rightly should be given last night’s adventures. “Man. I’m all kinds of fucked up. Aren’t I?”

  
Ever since he and his brother had finally admitted their feelings for each other in the graduation season of their final year of high school he’d no longer denied that his siblings were always his first and most powerful thoughts in such moments. Neither he nor Ty had ever worked up the courage to try to pull Mabel into what they had. There was always one reason or another they’d manage to supply, however weak the arguments might’ve been. They had a good thing together, and truthfully neither wanted to push their luck and risk alienating their best friend in the universe, no matter how much it pained them to leave her out of their partnership.  
“Okay, brain. I get it. We’ll do it for her. She’s worth it.”

  
A large bundle of tissues now occupying the trash can, he crumples his boxers up and toss them into the laundry hamper Tyrone had finally convinced him to start using when they’d moved in together; lest they have to scrape underwear off of their floor boards with one of his good spatulas. He’d put off his morning shower just in case he and Ty decided to pick up where they’d left off the night before, and there was no better excuse to stand under the hot spray now that he definitely needed it.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

A thumping sound resonated through the walls of the bathroom. Even over the sound of sizzling bacon Ty could hear the low, regular thuds. He knows that it’s Dipper’s head tapping against the tiles of the shower wall. It bothered him a bit that this was a regular habit for him when he was really close to sussing out an idea, but his head was hard enough. It’s the tiles that need to be careful. All sounds from the bathroom cease a minute or so after Ty voices that thought in his internal monologue.  
“Oh. Water’s off. I guess he’s done. Better finish this up…” He hops back into action, humming the far too memorable beat of 'straight blanchin’ that even these days came on the top 40 stations due to its nearly hypnotic beat. Toast, eggs, bacon, and hash browns find themselves on two plates, joined by twin glasses of orange juice set neatly in place on the counter between their living room and kitchenette just in time for Dipper to stroll out of the bathroom. He’s in a clinging t-shirt and cargo shorts, his hair half dry, obviously combed with fingers.

“Well?” He quirks an eyebrow at his brother as he set their forks and knives in place.  
“We’ll have to call up Stan” Dipper grins, an evil set curling the ends of his lips.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys decide to reach out to Grunkle Stan to help in their plan to break Mabel and Jeremy up. A little dose of the supernatural, Gravity Falls Style, ought to do the trick.

“Yello, Mystery Shack. Mister Mystery speaking. Oh! Hey, kid! How’s it going? …  
Yeah.  
Yeah  
….Oh damn right. That punk is gonna get what’s comin’ to ‘im. Oh, hey. Your brother there? Say hello for me.  
…  
The Electron carpet? That shag mess that switches bodies? No, I tried throwing it away but er….there were complications.  
…  
No, no, that was back when I was still trying to protect your stupid butts from all the weirdness going on here.  
…  
Well, the garbage men….and Mcgucket’s raccoon wife. Yeah, the mail man too. Turns out Soos was right, he is a werewolf.   
…  
Yeah, no, it was a whole thing. He was pretty decent about it though. Said being a raccoon was fine as long as he could avoid the old man. But yeah, I Wound up having to actually tip them for Christmas for years or they wouldn’t pick stuff up. You believe that? Like they don’t make enough. I tells ya they-  
…  
Huh? Wuzzat? Yeah, it’s in the basement, but I don’t think messing with-You’re gonna what now?  
…  
Okay. I’m in. What else do you kids need?  
…  
Uh huh. Uh huh. Okay. Well that’s not a problem, depends on when you need it.   
…  
Well, we could meet half way, it’d be good to see you kids again. We’ll get lunch at this diner I know about. Your treat. Then you can tell me about this evil plan of yours.   
…  
Yeah. Uh, Wednesday? That’s fine. I’ll have Robbie watch the shack for me. One question though. If Mabel gets pissed about this I was never involved.   
…  
You know what I mean. What’s she gonna think about all this?   
…  
Uh huh.   
Uh huh.  
…Oh, that’s -Kid. I’m- Honestly? I’m so proud. You’ve really taken my lessons to heart, haven’t you?   
…  
Okay, well I’ll do it but you owe me a favor to be chosen by me at a later date.Take it or leave it kid. My hearing’s getting bad. I’m going through a tunnel or something.   
…  
Heh. Knew you’d come around. Say, what size eyepatch do you two wear? I figure it’s gotta be the same.   
…  
What? Of course there’s sizes!  
…  
Okay, fine, whatever. I’m gonna go take my pills or something.   
…  
Eh? Wazzat? Yeah, he’s around. Spooks the young people real good. Gotta keep ’m behind glass though.Yeah. Okay. But you’ll have to deal with him for that one.   
…  
Yeah. Yeah.What do you take me for? Of course they have an early bird special, but you’re still paying.  
…  
Fine, fine, I’ll meet you at ten.  
…  
Yeah, I’ll have it. If you got anything else give the details to Soos, okay? He’ll let me know. So if there’s anything else I’ve got some tourists coming in from the Midwest in like twenty minutes, kid.  
…  
Yeah, Mega gullible.   
…  
Oh! yeah, I could probably sell some of the Jackalopes! Robbie! Glue some of those to some of those! No! To the heads-Wait! Keep doing what you’re doing!  
New Idea! The Sev'ralope! err…Multilope?  
…  
Huh? Styracolope? The hell is that?   
…  
Dinosaur? Oh, I like it. ROBBIE! Put some scales on there too! We’ll make a mint!   
…  
Okay kid, you helped me out so I’ll help you out. Depending on how profitable this winds up being, of course. Just make sure she clears the day on Thursday, okay?   
…  
Of course I can do it! You don’t need to know. Now I’ll talk to you later kid. The less you know the better. She may have to fake a back injury though. She’ll love it.  
…  
Nah, don’t worry about it. See ya Wednesday. Nine AM.   
…  
Can’t hear you. That tunnel musta come back.”  
-CLICK-

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Well, honestly, that went pretty much as good as I’d hoped.” Dipper blew out a sigh of relief. “He’s totally in. He’s bringing everything we need.”  
“It’s creepy how early old people get up though. Who’s gonna drive?” Ty leaned back against the counter, one leg crossed over the other and one eyebrow quirked up in question. Dipper crossed his arms and smirked   
“Well, I’ve already taken care of my needs this morning, so on a chemical level, I think I’ve got the advantage on this one.” With that, almost as punctuation to his statement he propped his legs up on their coffee table and leaned back, one hand behind his head, the other pulling up his shirt, revealing his “happy trail” as Ty called it, all under the guise of having some itch to scratch. His brother shuddered   
“We’re gonna have to have a word about this whole ‘confident and sexy Dipper’ thing that you’ve got going on.”  
“Is that word 'I win’? Cuz I think it should be.”  
“A: No. And B: never.”  
“Tell you what” Dipper replied “How about I finish taking care of the dishes and you put something else on besides your apron? I don’t have to be in class for another two hours according to this magical indoor sundial thing I’ve got here.” He shook his wrist limply towards his brother, showing off the watch he’d purchased on their last shopping trip. 

“Oh, are you feeling yourself weaken?” Ty made an obvious show of swatting a fork off of the counter, putting a hand to his mouth in the classic pin up 'oops’ pose before turning and bending over to pick it up off of the floor. He made a real show of it, wiggling his shapely rear around.

“I will never understand how you can deal with waxing, but I appreciate the results…however…”  
In one smooth motion he crossed the gap between them, placed his hand on Ty’s waist and spun him up and around into a dancer’s dip, which had sort of become his romantic signature move. His eyes became lidded as he lowered his face to Ty’s before slowly moving down further, blowing his hot breath over his neck before nipping at him, just below the jaw. Ty shuddered in response and had he not already been held up by Dipper he’d have fallen on the carpet right then and there, which Dipper allowed him to do moments later with a sly grin on his face.   
“Hey! Not fair!” Ty pouted as Dipper crouched next to him, victorious.  
“Turn about is fair play, brother of mine.” He reached over and gently flicked the tent rising up in Ty’s apron. “Now, unless you want to be late, you may want to take care of that and get dressed. I hope you have enough time.”  
Ty found himself floored in more than one way.   
“You’re evil, you know that?”  
“What can I say? I have to keep up with you. Competition makes for a strong rival.”  
“….tell you what. You take care of this for me and do the dishes and I’ll drive on Wednesday.”  
“If I make a joke about you both driving a hard bargain holding it against me….will you?” His waggled his eyebrows up and down, reacting to his own joke.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Dipper’s cellphone vibrated and an overly cheery J-pop song began blaring out and over the dark bedroom he and Ty shared. Had anyone actually asked he would have claimed that it was the most annoying song he could pick for an alarm tone. Of course the honest point that he’d have only begrudgingly shared with even his closest friends was that it was actually the theme song to one of his favorite anime. Specifically it was the “dance remix” and he’d memorized every word. Ty and Mabel of course knew the truth of it, and had even joined him in attending conventions in the past, but this morning was too early for being awake. Even the sun seemed to agree as it still had yet to make an appearance.

“Shut that thing off, Dip. It’s giving my headache a headache.” Ty groaned from the pillow next to his own. The sound that emerged from his brother reminded Ty very much of their encounters with zombies. “Come on Dipper. turn it oooofff” he whined before deciding to press his cold feet, which had migrated out from their blankets earlier in the night, into the small of Dipper’s back.

“GYAAAH!” Dipper shrieked as he fell out of the bed. “How are your feet so freakin’ cold all the time!?” Standing up, now thoroughly awake he flicked off the alarm function, picked up a pillow and slammed it down on Ty’s head. Though truthfully the pillows they used were far too plush to actually do any damage. Pacifica had gifted an obviously overly expensive set of silk sheets and down pillows to each of the triplets the Christmas prior. It made sleeping extra easy, but pillow fights didn’t quite have the oomph they might have otherwise had. There were the memory foam pillows as well, but that seemed unsportsmanlike. 

Ty raised his hand up without removing the thing from his face and groaned out “Strike me down and I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine”  
“Your powers are weak, old man!” Is the classic response he gets from his brother before he departs for the bathroom to empty his bladder and groom himself for the day. 

After a quick, cold shower Dipper emerged wearing his usual cargo shorts and t-shirt on, clinging somewhat to his skin, as he rarely dried himself completely before dressing. Ty was still sprawled out underneath their sheets and he couldn’t blame him, but today was important. “Hey bro, wake it and shake it. We have a four hour drive ahead of us and you’re supposed to be driving.”

“GYAAAAHHHH!” they screamed nearly in unison as Ty tackled Dipper from behind onto the bed. 

“What the what!?“   
"Ha! I’ve been up for an hour, Dippity doo! The oooold pillows under the covers trick! Gets 'em way more often than you’d think!” The obviously fully dressed and fully awake Tyrone tickled his brother mercilessly as he didn’t have the excuse of a full bladder to defend him.  
“AAAHHH!! Sto-Ack-Knock it-GWaaaahhh!” He flailed and thrashed but Ty was on top of him and had the advantage. He only relented when Dipper started panting. While he was trying to catch his breath Ty skipped out of their room and returned seconds later with two glasses of fruity sugary cereal with milk and spoons in them.   
“Here you go, Dipperoo. You know, if you woke up earlier you might actually get the drop on me one of these days.”

Still breathing raggedly Dipper took the glass and nearly immediately started shoveling spoon fulls of the Fruity O’s into his mouth.   
“y'know, *munch* with your girl butt and your morning person *munch* thing *swallow* you’ve got going on, I think you’re starting to become Mabel.”  
“Jeeze, Dip. I really wish you wouldn’t call it that.” There was a wounded tone in his voice.  
“W-What? Girl butt?”  
“Yes! You know you’re really dumb sometimes!”

“Okay, Obviously I stepped in something, so before I put that same foot in my mouth, tell me what I did wrong so I can apologize?”  
“Is it just that simple?”  
“Okay. I …I really must have touched a nerve.” Somewhat shocked at the tone shift of their conversation he set his glass of cereal down on the night stand and reached over to hug his brother. “For the record I meant it as a compliment, but since I obviously hurt your feelings I’m sorry.” They shared a sad look, mirroring each other.

“No. It’s-It’s been bothering me for a while but it’s not your fault. I mean, you remember when I used to be….heavy. Like, I just couldn’t feel comfortable in my own skin and now I feel a lot better about myself.” He ran his hands over his bare legs and up his stomach and chest, finally crossing his arms in front of himself as Dipper hugged him. “I know we look different now. I know it’s not much, but There’s the little things. I’ve….I’ve just come to feel so safe with you that I feel like I can really be me. You know?”

“Yeah, Ty.”  
“And I know I’m …well…different.” he turned his head to the side facing his brother but didn’t meet his gaze. He reflected on his choice of underwear for the day. A nice lacy boyshort that he knew drove Dipper crazy. His denim short shorts and extra tight t-shirt didn’t really leave much to the imagination either.  
“Hey.” dipper lifted Ty’s chin up so that their eyes would meet. “I could just tell you that I love you and that that should be enough; but honestly everything about you is amazing. You’re one of the most creative, kind and caring people I’ve ever met in my life. You have a way to see what people are really thinking and feeling that will never stop impressing me." 

Ty’s smile was already warming the room, but Dipper went on. "You are the reason that I get to be who I am too. Yeah, we’re different now, but that’s one of the reasons I love you so much. yeah, you’re not traditionally masculine, bro, but fuck tradition. We’re two out of a set of three siblings and we’re in a long term partnership and you know damn well I’m not going anywhere.” He took Ty’s hand in his own. “You be you. If I say something stupid without knowing it I want you to tell me. I’m good with math. Not so much people.”

“You’re good with me, dummy."   
"Not always, apparently."   
He leaned down to kiss Ty only to be met with a lick to the nose. "Gah! What was that for!?”  
“For being totally sweet. And if you start kissing me now I promise that we are going to be late to meet Stan because I won’t be able to resist doing what I want to do to you right now.”  
“Oh yeah?” He wiped his arm across his nose “What’s that?”  
“You’ll find out when we get back. Wink, Wink.”  
“You could just actually wink, you know.”  
“But that wouldn’t be as cute. Tell me I’m cute.”  
“The cutest.”  
“Damn right.”

Satisfied that they’d pick up where they left off later in the day, Dipper finished off his cereal and chugged the milk down. “Oh, hey, Ty.”  
“Yeah, Bro?”  
“On the way….did you maybe wanna get some nail polish? You look extra….pretty today is all and…Y'know. I was thinkin’ maybe you’d like that?”

“Dip.”  
“Y-Yeah, Ty?”  
“If we’re not in the car in the next 5 minutes I can promise you we won’t be leaving this apartment for a week, so get that cute little boy butt of yours on the move, because we are stopping somewhere on the way and you’re gonna learn how to do my nails while I drive because you are the best boyfriend in the world.” Dipper beamed. Glad that his suggestion hit home.  
“Four minutes, Thirty seconds.”

“Woah, Okay!” He snatched both of their glasses and ran to the kitchenette to fill them with water in the sink before dashing back into their room to get his wallet and keys. Meanwhile, as Dipper ran around the apartment like a madman, knowing that Ty was true to his word, his brother casually sat down on the sofa, slipped on his favorite pair of sandals that he’d left there the night before and strolled to the door, just in time for Dipper to run out of the apartment. Ty smacked his ass with a giggle on their way out.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Several hours down the road Dipper and Ty finally find themselves pulling up in front of, what their GPS tells them, must be the place. The car kicks up a small cloud of dust as they pull up next to Stan’s car in the dirt and gravel (mostly dirt) parking lot of the Diner. Said building, if it really was one, looked from the outside like a giant metal twinkie, shiny and chrome with rivets on the facing. There was no sign to show the name of the place, but it looks like there may have been at one point decades ago. Though the actual sign post itself had been long rotted away the Diner itself was almost blinding to look at if the sun was at the right place in the sky and the windows were pretty clean too.

“Well” Dipper said “It looks like they at least keep the inside clean, so we probably don’t have to worry about food poisoning if we’re careful what we order.”

“Who cares about that? Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go! I have to pee!"   
"Yeah, well I told you that big chug was a bad idea.”  
“Hey, I didn’t hear you complaining when it made my mouth all chilly, now let’s go!"   
"Hey now” He snagged Ty’s wrist before he could jump out of the car entirely. “Careful with that, remember, we don’t want to arouse suspicions.”  
“Okay! I’ll do all of my arousing later, but seriously, I’m seeing yellow over here!”  
"Ack! Ew! Fine! Go! I’ll be right in!“

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey! Tyrone Over- Okay, well I guess you gotta go when you gotta go. Oh! Dipper! There you are! Over here, Kid! What took you so long?!” Stan shouted and waved at him from a few booths down.   
There weren’t many customers in the diner at that hour. If the size of the dirt parking lot was any indication, the place probably picked up at night as a trucker stop off. Truth be told the other guests were either ignoring Stan or just couldn’t hear him, given that he was the youngest guy there by at least a decade before Dipper and Ty pulled up.   
“Hey, Grunkle Stan!” Dipper waved back and then checked his watch. “We agreed on Nine and it’s definitely Nine-oh-five. So you were just early.”  
“Bah, semantics. Come! Sit! The vinyl barely sticks to your legs!”

He slid into place on the edge of the booth seat until Ty strolled out of the bathroom to join them. Dipper, ever protective over his other half stood up to let Ty get the inside seat, bowing to usher him in before scooting in next to him.  
“M'brother.”  
“Why, thank you, kind sir.”  
Stan cleared his throat, half to interrupt their weird sibling ways and half because the coffee he’d just taken a sip of was perhaps just a few degrees off the boil.  
“Whew! That’ll wake ya up. Anyway, I already ordered for ya. You kids like scrapple, right?”  
Their in-unison disgusted faces made the old man slap his knee in a guffaw.“Ahh, priceless. Anyway, Don’t worry, I ordered the house special. Hamburger Steak with 3 eggs, hash browns, grits, bacon and half a breadbox worth of toast. If you want something else just wave to Irene over there. Hal could always throw some Salisbury steak on the grill for ya if ya want.”

They both turned to each other, granting appraising looks before turning back at once and in unison replying   
“Actually, that sounds good.”  
“Ha! I love it! That creepy twin thing you guys do is perfect!”  
“Hey! What creepy twin thing?!” They demanded, again in unison.  
“Ha! You kids are gonna gimme a coronary! I love it! It’ll be a great act!”  
They turn to each other again, this time silently electing Ty to be their representative.   
“Act? Grunkle Stan?”  
“Yeah, It’s my new idea, and by the way, it’s the favor that you two owe me for all o’ this. So at least ya don’t have to worry about the Sword of Dam-a-whatever dangling over your heads."It’s times like this that they thought it was intensely difficult to tell if Stan was actually pretending to be less intelligent than he really was in order to put people at ease or if he had genuinely fallen just a few syllables short of what he meant to say.

"Go oooon.” Dipper added.  
“Okay, it’s like this. You remember when Mabel took over the shack and I came back with you two finally learning how to dress? Sad to see it didn’t last by the way. Anyway, I was thinkin’. I could get ya some eye patches, for different eyes of course, adds to the 'mystique’ of the whole thing.” He said “mystique” with finger quotes around the word. Now they knew he was putting on an act. “Then you brush back the hair and put on the suit and BAMMO! The 'Mystery Twins!’ will be the new stars of the Mystery Shack. It even comes branded!” When he said “Mystery Twins” he waved his fingers about, as though attempting to hypnotize them into doing his bidding. 

“I can honestly see how that’d work out.”  
“Ty! You traitor!”  
“Hey, I can’t help it if the man has a point. Besides, we’d look great in some nicely tailored suits. The, uh, the ladies would be all over us!”  
“Kid, you’re trying too hard. Only do that when you have an extra back up con after your obvious back up con that you really want to pass off. That way the rubes, er, customers, feel smart by figuring out the plan and don’t realize that you just sold 'em a bunch of shoe polish and some leftover taxidermy junk for twenty times what would have made a profit.”  
“Ouch. I’m wounded, Grunkle Stan.” He placed both hands over his heard. “To think that you’d say such a thing about me.”  
“Kid, either you’re working the long con or you just want to see if I got the spa tickets for three instead of just one.”  
“Perish the thought….but did you?”  
Stan pinched the bridge of his nose and rubbed in mock frustration. “Okay, ya got me.”

Their meals arrived seemingly out of no where during the temporary break in their conversation and the three Pines feasted on the surprisingly good diner fare. The next person to speak was Dipper, mouth half full of food.   
“Oh by gobb Grunkle Htan how didjoo fide dis plafe?”  
“Funny you should ask.”  
“Oh? Were you just thinking about that?” Ty inquired.  
“No, he just asked it funny! Ha!”  
The two groaned and returned to eating their food, waiting for Stan to regale them with one of his many half….probably quarter true stories.

“Actually, not much to tell, really. It was just always here on one of my old trading routes. I’d come down this way once every month or two to buy spookum stuff from this guy I know and they always have the best grub here. Cheap too. Hal’s been workin’ the burner for at least the last ten years and Irene’s been here since the dawn of time. LOVE YA IRENE!” He waved to the old woman, who just swatted at the air in his general direction without removing her eyes from the soap opera on the small old tube tv on the counter.

“Anyway, Let’s get down to business.”  
Dipper and Tyrone immediately hummed the tune of “To defeat the huns” under their breath.  
“Again with the creepy twin thing. I love it.”  
“Well, that’s just it Grunkle Stan” Dipper said, although Ty continued where he left off, having too much fun being identical for the day.   
“We’re two out of three and we gotta look out for Mabel Grabel.”  
“Yeah, that’s my point too. When and if I ever, y'know, if I’m just not around or anything.”  
“Like vacation?” Ty suggested.  
“Yeah, like the V word. If I’m ever on The V word or dead or whatever, I want Mabel to run The Shack and I want you two to be like the ring leaders or whatever you want to call it. You could probably make more money than me if you really put your minds to it.”

They turned to each other again, assessing the offer they’d just been given; though Stan continued on before they could respond.  
“Plus, assuming you two are still an item when that happens it might add a little mysterious extra flare to things. Y'know, do they? Don’t they? Who knows? It’s a mystery!”

If ever a double or triple take was actually performed by any living person, they were that day. The boys looked to Stan, then back to each other and then back to Stan to try to babble out some sort of excuse. He held up a hand.

“Kids. Do you hear me judging you? And before you ask. No, I don’t care. No I haven’t told anyone else in the family and I doubt they’d see it anyway; and yes I’ve known for forever. Though you’re about to try to lie to me anyway so let’s hear it. 

Ty was the first to regain his ability to speak.  
"N-No! I’m-I’m just, I’m gay and-”  
“No you’re not. You’re just really girly. You’re both way too into your sister to be gay.”

If ever there was a moment when a person’s jaw actually dropped in surprise it was that day. They were dumb struck for the second time in just a few minutes. Stan continued on.

“Look, kids. I’m telling you this half to remind you that I’m still trickier than you’ll ever know, and half so that you know you don’t have to hide too much around me. It wouldn’t do much good anyway.”

It was at that moment that Irene appeared out of nowhere again.   
“Y'all gonna be needin’ anythin’ else?” Her southern drawl would normally have surprised them a little bit, but the best the boys could do was look at each other, mouths still agape then turn to her in unison to shake their heads. “Oh i just love that creepy little twin thing, y'all got goin’ on. Just the check, Stan?”

“Yeah, darlin’ although if we could get a refill on the coffee also, I think they might need the extra boost for the road. They’ve got a long drive ahead of 'em.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Once their meals were well and truly finished, Stan pushed the little folder with the check in it over to their side of the table. Dipper paid with his own debit card, although Stan took care of the tip himself, which did surprise them.

“Kids. If you’re a regular at home you can get away with being a cheapskate since they know you, but on the road you can’t afford the indigestion that comes from being remembered poorly.”

Which, of course made sense but that on top of everything else that’d come out before the sun was even directly overhead was more than they’d ever expected to take in. 

“So…how long-” Dipper tried  
“I told ya, kid. Forever. Since the first summer.”  
“But we didn’t even-” Ty attempted  
“Yes you did. Trust me. Now, I have everything else in the back seat. Don’t worry, King’s in a cooler with plenty of ice so he won’t melt.” As they all stood up from the booth and he led them outside, waving one last time to the staff, he allowed them a minute to catch their breaths and collect any errant thoughts.

“Wow” The boys replied together, not to anything in particular. Though this time they had sought out each other’s hands for comfort. Dipper rubbed his thumb over Ty’s emerald green nails and they looked up to smile at each other when he did.

“Look, kids. If you still want answers, ask your questions once this whole thing is done and we have to meet here again when you bring Larry back, okay? Hopefully you’ll have Mabel with you and it’ll be easier then. Okay?”

They nodded at their grunkle and squeezed him from either side in a crushing hug. After a few seconds, he returned their embrace. “I love you kids, okay? Don’t you ever think for a moment that I don’t. Family means everything and you’re lookin’ out for that, which means even more.”

Finally they stood in between their cars and he pulled open the door to his back seat, handing Dipper an oversized cooler. Stan then lugged a large roll from the foot well that they knew must contain a carpet inside of it, though it was carefully wrapped in multiple layers of plastic and over that was a burlap sack.   
“So, you got the passes, you got him, and you’ve got this. I don’t think there was anything else, was there?”

“No” They both shook their heads at him despite having been loading their luggage on opposite ends of their car.“Don’t ever change, you creepy kids. Now, come give your grunkle a hug before you go. We’ll figure out when to do this again. Maybe a week?”

They each embraced their great uncle in turn and then they all hopped into their cars, this time it was Dipper’s turn to drive. Both cars drove off down the road, leaving dust trails behind them. One heading south, the other north. 

“Hey, Dip? You think he’s getting soft in his old age?”  
“Impossible.”  
“I dunno. I think there’s a lot more to him than he lets on.”  
“Duh.”“Yeah, but have you checked your pocket?”“I still feel my wallet so I didn’t feel it was necessary, why?”  
“Just this.” Ty held up, a hundred dollar bill in between his index and middle fingers.  
Dipper was able to stop from swerving off the road, but only just


End file.
